I just read my one of my new entries.

I was really mean to me.

Hi LJ,

So I'm entering my third year of college now. I think I've grown a lot. I hope so.

I'm going post some more entries to clear my mind a bit. I feel old writing this, but the world has gone to town with technology in the past three years. Twitter, facebook... Social media is getting me down.

I feel like I have to know everything, process everything, and make my own opinion of everything.

My mind is crammed with news and information, and I don't know how I should feel.

Eh, but that's the life.

Peace.

Because, you know, everything has been sunshine and butterflies thus far in life, and that is why I have not been writing to save my sanity.
I guess I should have been. Though it's weird, I think I have been programed to have an audience in mind when I'm writing things. So I suppose I just right to myself...

OMG, I'm going crazy. But you know, at lease I'm self aware.

Dear me,

    Congratulations on managing to get yourself into college. American University is pretty awesome for a college you never heard about. But hey, kudos to your for being all self-righteous about not caring about a college's reputation. You really have to thank your parents too.
I personally think that you've grown into a better person. Maybe you'll even grow to be someone that you can respect.
    I'm glad you've gotten over your homesickness though. It was sort of scary at first. But you were luck to meet so many awesome people who, oddly enough, live on your floor. I mean, you were really, really lucky.
    Danielle is probably going to be a life-long friend. Ayana, your roommate is wonderful. You two get along fine.

BLAH. FRIKIN. BLAH. You know what, you're a crappy writer, even to yourself. It's two weeks til the end of the semester. You can catch up with yourself then.

Go do some work. You have a family who claims to support you in everything you do. You might as well not disappoint them. I mean, there are just only so many expectations you have already failed to meet.
   

I just had a heart to heart talk with my father.

He told me that he knows I am smart.

Man, and I can't stop crying even now.

I'm just a horrible person.

This morning, I woke up and saw my dad's face hovering over me.

I yelled.

He freaked out.  "Bad dream, bad dream."

...Just...surprised.

I guess.

I made gingerbread, as in the bread kind. It came out a little too thick, and I think I need to try another recipe. (Do not trust about.com. I had a feeling that there was too little flour...but oh well...

I'm knitting again. and fanfics are being written. A Shuurei/Seiran oneshot, Saiunkoku drabble-ry, and a SasuHina chapter fic.

Meh.

The Shuurei/Seiran in from Seiran POV, and its just so hard getting him down. His love isn't entirely unreciprocated, and he's not an adoring fan boy either. He's so quiet! I can't just attribute reactions to him.

Ugh.

Merry Christmas.

Arj Barker on Comedy Central is freakin hilarious.

So...Christmas Ball was on Monday.

I spent Saturday and Sunday making so many...snowflakes...

SNOWFLAKES. Poster-papery, scissory, glittery sprayish goodness.

I had glittery nightmares. I closed my eyes, and all I saw were sparkles and the label on the aerosol can reading "Contains potential harmful chemicals that may cause cancer as recognized by the State of California."

NIGHTMARES.

And my week has been an on and off bout of laziness. College APPS! Gah. I need to get my act together.

And...if Jenna or Rachel is reading this.

Jenna's getting a SasuHina fanfic for Christmas that may or may not be put on ff.net.

Rachel gets her YohNa (birthday), and a Saiunkoku. Seiran/Shuurei or Ryuuki/Shuurei whatever.

I am so not being cheap.


Night all.

Stupid question: How can you tell when we've win the war in Iraq?

I took my last SAT today.

I sincerely believe that my score will be higher.

I think it's because I bumped my yesterday...

How stupid does that sound? I mean, "I bumped my head."

How old am I? Five?

There has to be an age limit for people to stop smacking their head into things.

Really. I mean, I'm seventeen.

-_-

--> Making drabbles now.

Lots and lots of writing.


-_-




Love~



P.S. Ota-kun has a thing for schizo anime boys.

Here is her list.

1. Yukito/Yue (Card Captor Sakura)

2. Eriol/Clow Reed/Sakura's Dad (Card Captor Sakura)

3.Quatre Winner/Psycho Quatre Winner (Gundam Wing)

4. Kurama/Youko Kurama (Yuu Yuu Hakusho)

5. Bakura/Yami Bakura (Yu-Gi-Oh)

6. Haru/Black Haru (Fruits Basket)

7. Daisuke/Dark (DN Angel)

8. Satoshi/Krad (DN Angel)

9. Fuji *eyes open*/ Fuji *eyes closed* (Prince of Tennis)

10. Gaara/Shuukaku Gaara-raccoon hybrid (Naruto)

Ten in all...or would it be twelve?

*GASP*

I have written something. It is 10:45PM. Thursday, November 16, 2006.

and I have written something.

Shaman King. Yoh/Anna. Drabble.

Yoh's perspective

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing. Not even my soul. (It's on loan.)

Unedited, rushed and probably crap. 253(?) words. No one shall ever read this since it is not fit for public consumption.
------------------------------------------

You’ve said the wrong thing again. You don’t know what exactly what you have done wrong, but you’ve done something, and there’s no use telling her that you didn’t know, because letting her know that you don’t know just makes whatever it is you have done wrong ten times worse than your first offense…

 

And you still have no clue what you’ve done.

 

So you wait for whatever it is she’s going do. It will probably be something painful, and when it’s over, she always goes away for x amount of time. X being proportional to how long she thinks you deserve to suffer, but then she also always comes back with some type of first aid (and one time she gave you a massage “Oh yeah…”), and you have never really died—though that other time you came really close to it—so in the end everything does turn out okay…

 

Though that way of thinking may probably be why Manta thinks you’re insane. He is a genius after all.

 

But when you see her eyes flashing at you, turning that particular shade of gold, you can’t help but think that she’s just so damn cute, and you really don’t ever want to see those eyes burn holes into anyone else but you.

 

And Manta may also be right about you being insane.

 

But then you suppose that’s okay.

 

“Yoh…”

 

Uh oh.

 

“Are you even listening to what I’m saying?!”

 

*SLAP*

 

Yep, Manta is right…and you may even be slightly masochistic to boot.

 

She walks away.

 

You hope she’ll give you a massage this time too.

 

Fini.

---------

I do not claim to know how Yoh's mind works.

It's been a while LJ.

I was a bit tired of life today, way tired, too tired.

and I found myself crying silently over I don't know what.

and, although it's a hard thing for highschoolers to do, I wish they'd try to understand before I'm called a bitch. Especially when it's just to tell people to shut up while taking a test. You know, because the same people who complain about not doing anything in class are the ones talking. And talking. And talking.

I'm tired of being the bitch. I wish someone else could be the bitch for once. [Can't we take turns?]


besides gradual depression and self-esteem issues. [in which I am in need of Prozac so I can be another mindless dolt in the world...]

I don't draw a lot. I don't write a lot. I don't read a lot.

I just exist...I hope a college accepts me.

Love?



--> If God doesn't exist, then why do I find myself wanting to believe?

I have had the double-edged fortune of finding the treasure trove of manga and anime sites, and have thus been unable to time and get much needed "me time."

It's not even funny how I keep checking back for updates every other hour. You know, because they update every other hour.

Much to my displeasure, I cut off a police officer twice last week and was pulled to the side. Much to my relief, I did not get a ticket.

However, this has made a lasting impression on me, so my father has been my chauffeur this past week. Apparently, he thinks it's a good experience for me to be pulled over to the side and be told, "Driving is a priviledge."

Other than that, this quarter has been draining. I find myself sad and mood-swingy. My back hurts. I hurt, and there is so much "loudness" now. There has been "loudness," however, it gets so headache-y I want to scream. Or cry. And I really do not know what's wrong with me, if this is oversensitivity, or something else.

And I love you, LJ, and I loathe myspace and perhaps my old xanga that I must delete.

Because with LJ, I write for me. Not for anyone else. I don't have too, because no one reads this for them, I think, and I don't have to agonize over excluding people or mentioning people or coming off as insincere.

I type. And I don't really *think*, not so much, and I believe that, in and of itself, what I write here is truly sincere.

So if this comes off as..."off." I'm moodswingy. And happy. Now.

My elder sister is talking to me now, actually conversing, and I bought a translation of Rainer Maria Rilke's Letters to a Young Poet by Stephen Mitchell, and The Hundred Secret Senses by Amy Tan.

I started with Rilke, and I love it. I reread a letter again and again, and I feel like crying in joy. The book is not sad in itself, but the feeling of oneness, the true sincerity of Rilke's letters is indescribable, and I feel like rejoicing over each and every line, even the mundane ones, because they build up the anticipation.

I never want to finish this book. I love Rilke. Stephen Mitchell's translation--though I do not know German--feels so right. You can tell that Mitchell loved translating it, and his foreword is so poignant that it makes me feel ashamed of the work, dubbed "BS", I turn in for class.



...


Though, today, I sort of wish I felt like this:

It's the hormones, I think.

I hope.

If not.

Just shoot me already.

Good things: Rejoined choir. An OPS bakery has opened near my house with Jungle Java is two stores away from it.


Bad things:


Eri has gone back  to Egypt.

The sister paying for my cell phone took her sim card back and gave me HafaTel which is gay and icky. 
She also borrows my good jeans and stretches them out the day before I wear them.

IT'S HARD FINDING A GOOD SIZE 4 PETITE DAMMIT!

Hate my Psychology class. I wanted to take Art instead but the stupid administration wouldn't open up another period even though 7 other people wanted to take Art for their 2nd block too.


So in Psych, I feel like this:






No love.

I DON'T CARE ABOUT SUFFERING FROM ERECTILE DYSFUCTION ALL MY LIFE! I'M A GIRL!

Stupid spammers...

Just got back from my day with Eri before she goes back to Egypt.

Hung out, ate burgers, watched Equilibrium.

Watched Brokeback Mountain. Well tried.

Her bros. gave us an introduction to alcohol lesson. Shot of Peach Schapps, Petron and Absolut vodka...something else...
4 shots in all.

I felt it kick in 5 min. later.

I am such a lightweight.

Turned pink. Head throbbed. Threw up. Head was on Eri's lap throughout the gay cowboy love.

TT_TT

But then I was okay enough to watch Rent. Random singing.

Eri was so good about taking care of me though.
TT_TT


Don't go Eri!

Woke up with no alcohol headache.

Went to the office with Eri and her mom, Mama Kim. And we chilled and talked. Something I'll definitely miss.

Got "Whip me Cream" lipstick. :3

Went Capriciossa, then to K-mart to buy Eri chocolate.

I wish I could record every conversation we had today. I love you Eri.


Today, I felt like this:



Love.


--> Finally bought the replacement for my GBA SP. Pink pearl. It matches my nail polish.

 XD


P.S. I want to hold a Living Funeral before I go off to college.

Because of my poor fortune, I stayed up all night doing a summer assignment that was not due today. Therefore neglecting to study for the test in my college math course that almost killed me.

Have you ever been in a situation where you have ample time to do something? Then you realized you can't do that something because you simply do not know how to do it. Yes. My course was like that.

Though school felt sort of awkward--I drove there after eating lunch at home--it was good to be back.

It was also good seeing my final grade for Freshman Composition. An "A." With a note saying that Prof. Campbell will gladly write me a recommendation letter.

Bruce, i.e., Prof. Campbell, does not randomly hand out "A"s.

When I saw my grade, I felt like this:



I drove to school, and it was lunch break. I ate already, and everyone was hanging out with everyone. Eri told me she felt awkward because a girl who hates her for some stupid reason or other has been making her hatred public.

I felt awkward because of that. Eri shouldn't be treated like that. So she went off with Lee Anne, and I went off with Azusa to meet the new registrar. We talked about random things, and it was fun.

Pre-Cal and the like were awkward as well and I felt like this:

August 4th in the afternoon to August 5th-now pwned this year.

I ate at Aiji Ichi for dinner, lunch, and dinner.

:)

Yesterday, I slept off the afternoon, and spent 15 minutes just laying next to my sick older sister.

I didn't know how much I missed spending time with her until then. Usually she's always off...doing something with her boyfriend, out, or yakking on the phone.

I miss it when she's quiet and I can just sort of bask in her presence.

I love my older sister, though she didn't go to dinner with my parents and I yesterday because she called into work sick and didn't want to get caught. -_-

Father accidentally ate a mound of wasabi.

Mom and I thought he was going to have a heart attack.

but...all his sinus passages are clear now, at least. He probably also has new ones.

Today, with (in order of appearance: Erika, Laur., Rachel, Kim, Jenna, Azusa, Marina, Francesca, Jen, and Reesa) I saw John Tucker Must Die. The ULTIMATE CHICK FLICK. Then I proceeded to cram come of the said bunch of friends into a Japanese picture booth with me. Eri and I look damn good on our wanted poster.

Attempted to finish a Birthday Cake Remix "Love it" from Coldstone's. Attempt failed. Will try again next year.

Then I bummed around GPO with Jenna, Rachel, and Azusa.

Bought a beret. (Got two dollars off. X3)

Made fun of the "Pooh" vending machine at Play N Trade. ("You can get 'Tiger Pooh,' 'Bull Pooh,' Kangaroo Pooh,' and 'Rhino Pooh!'") Browsed around Play N Trade. Ogled anime crap and proceeded to quell splurges.

Went to Bestseller. Chose a gift.

Bought Azusa dinner, left with Laur. and went to K-mart to buy much needed wrist  and knee braces. (My right hand and knee have had random pain spasms this week BTW. I think it's the typing... but I can't seem to stop...)

I bought a spiderman battery-powered toothbrush. Passed by a little kid in a shopping cart. He looked at it and  yelled unseemly things in jealousy while pointing towards me.

You know, because all the cool kids have spiderman toothbrushes.

X3

Kmart did not have Gameboy SPs. I wanted a pink one. So I could be the cooler kid on the block.

Drove home with Laur., who has been picked up by her father. My father is currently on the roof.  Go fig.

I saw no ladder.

A myspace has been created for me.

mywasteofspace.

Joy.

I need to finish Machiavelli's the Prince, and Thomas Moore's Utopia. Summer assignment. Joy to that too.

Love you LJ. I am looking for layouts to pimp you with at the present moment.


"ShaNaNa2."


..helloooo LJLayouts.org...

Hello, you.

I am updating.

In approximately 20 minutes I will be seventeen.

It doesn't really matter though, since I don't act my age.

:P

Class Schedule for the upcoming school year:

1. Theology IV
2. Psychology
3. Government Honors
4. Pre-Calculus
5. English IV AP
6. European History AP
7. English Composition


Love.


and now I must finish a book review. These pseudo-college classes are killing me.


Journal, I promise to make you pretty today.

I spent time with Janie today.

I haven't seen her in six years.

Yet, there was no awkwardness at all. It's like we haven't been apart.

:)

I believe I heard, Bruce, my English prof. call me a "numnut" today.

I'd be offended, if that wasn't already what my friends and I call ourselves.

But it was highly entertaining.

LMAO.


-Kimbo was a good friend and trespassed on Government-owned land with me so I could write my frickin' Guahan article.

:3 'Gatou Kimbo.

Man, there were a lot of frogs. ::shudder::